C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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