This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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