Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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