the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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