All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
