when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
