My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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