my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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