im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
