Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
