I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
