I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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