omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
