Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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