eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
