PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
