he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
