Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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