The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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