Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
