i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
