so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
