Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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