I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
