Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
