Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
