When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
