I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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