yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
