dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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