I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
