So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
