i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
