he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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