Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
