Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
