Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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