where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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