There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
