last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
