Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm really busy with my period
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