Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
