we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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