i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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