i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
third nipple confirmed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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