The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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