You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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