I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
