I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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