i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
