Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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