guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
