4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
