you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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