I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
